X-Men: Apocalypse Review

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So I went to see the late X-Men yesterday, and although I was aware of the mixed reviews I was still super excited to see the film because the X-Men have always been my favorite Marvel team and I’ve been watching the films for 15 years now. I was always a fan of the Apocalypse story line, but after the huge success of Days of Future Past, Bryan Singer had a lot of weight on his shoulders to really deliver another satisfying film. While the film definitely had its flaws, I think Singer did a pretty good job overall, and the film was saved by some truly fantastic special effects and the performances of the new X-Men additions (Nightcrawler, Jean Grey, Cyclops), however just like the previous film, Evan Peter’s Quicksilver stole the show delivering the best sequence of the entire movie. Apocalypse unfortunately was slightly underwhelming as a villain compared to the formidable foe he is in the comics. My main issues in the film were the completely wasted characters, most notably Psylocke, Jubilee, and Angel. Jubilee never seems to be given any real substance whenever she is shown in the X-Men films so I don’t understand why they even bring her in at all. Olivia Munn’s Psylocke was super lame and added absolutely nothing to the table, she’s an awesome character but the film (just like her pathetic role in Last Stand) did not do her any justice. The other problem I had was with the whole Alkali Lake sequence which was totally unnecessary to the film’s overall plot, but was merely added in to tie in with the post-credits scene to set up the future films involving Wolverine’s clone, X-23. For most, the post-credit scene was super ambiguous, the only thing that tipped me off was the name “Essex” on the briefcase of the man stealing DNA samples from Alkali Lake, leading me to make the connection to Nathaniel Essex AKA Mister Sinister, badass X-Men super-villain.

All in all I found the film perfectly enjoyable, but mainly because I was so excited to see the characters I love so much. I don’t think the film deserves a 47% on Rotten Tomatoes, the 60 seconds of Jean Grey’s Phoenix fire did more justice to the character than the entirety of Last Stand. Seriously fuck Last Stand (even Jean Grey was like fuck Last Stand with her little dig at the third movie always being the worst). With some solid performances, awesome CGI, a fantastic score, and the final sequence of the new young X-Men, I’d give the film a 7/10. I think the future for the X-Men franchise is as strong as ever, and now they have the opportunity to truly do justice and explore different storylines with a younger cast. Can’t wait for the New Mutants film, I wanna see some Magik!

My Top 10 Movies of 2015

There’s only a few days left of this year so I thought I’d go over my favorite films of this year. 2015 was a year full of blockbuster hits, however not all of them made my list (**cough**Jurassic World**cough**)…

10. Spy

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Spy was one of those movies that you don’t expect to be anything more than a silly comedy used to pass a couple of hours. However it turned out to be brutally entertaining and Melissa McCartney restored my faith in her after that awful Identity Thief film from last year. Great writing and humor, and Jason Statham really stole the show for me.

9. Mission Impossible: Rogue Nation

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Tom Cruise doin Tom Cruise. The dude is always pushing his limits and this MI went farther than ever. Lots of fun action, interesting story, and complex characters made this film almost as good as MI3 (which in my opinion was highly underrated).

8. Trainwreck

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Amy Schumer won over just about everyone this year. Trainwreck was a smart comedy about a woman struggling to grow up and Schumer is positively hilarious and unbelievably lovable in this raunchy flick.

7. Ant-Man

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I’ll be the first to admit I had very far from high hopes for Ant-Man. However, Marvel proved they can create a fun and enjoyable film from even the lamest sounding superheroes. Quips, quips, and more quips, except this time we have Paul Rudd so expect 10 times more quipping.

6. Avengers: Age of Ultron

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Speaking of the Gods of quippers: The fucking Avengers! (sorry Steve, I’ll try to watch my language). Fun movie, made a gazillion bucks, of course this film was gonna make the list.

5. Kingsman: The Secret Service

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Two Words: Colin Firth. A refreshing take on the spy genre, that has enough humor and wit to make up for James Bond’s lack there of.

4. The Martian

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Matt Damon finally gets his chance to play a real Astronaut who is not a super dick (I’m talking to you Interstellar). The Martian was emotional and Damon proved once again that he is one of the best actors in Hollywood.

3. Mad Max: Fury Road

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Based on its visual effects alone, Mad Max is highly considered one of the best films of the year. Miller took forever to finish this film but the final product was totally worth it. Charlize Theron slays all and while Tom Hardy only says about three full words throughout the film, his grunts are Oscar-worthy…lol just kidding about that last part, but Hardy is cool nonetheless.

2. Ex-Machina

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This movie gave me absolute chills. It was artfully filmed and provided an eery look towards the future of AI technology. It also provided us with one of the biggest young breakout stars of the year: Alicia Vikander. The Swedish beauty is already set to star in a number of huge films to come and has been nominated for two Golden Globes (most likely an Oscar too) for her outstanding work.

1. STAR WARS: THE FORCE AWAKENS

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Come on did you expect anything else?? I feel like this was a pretty obvious choice, given its the biggest film in the last decade. If not for just the sentimental factor alone, the Force Awakens brought back the universe we all know and love (from the original trilogy anyway). I think we are all just grateful we no longer have to watch Hayden Christensen struggle to act anymore, and for that we thank you JJ.

Ant-Man Review

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So let me just say I have absolute faith in Marvel. Last year I was so happily surprised with how amazing Guardians of the Galaxy turned out to be but Ant-Man truly solidified my faith. MARVEL CAN DO NO WRONG. Ant-Man was simply fANtastic. It is a well-balanced film and Paul Rudd is the perfect guy for this role. There was plenty of humor and cool action sequences and a really great supporting cast (T.I. surprisingly). Falcon made an awesome cameo in one of the highlights of the film: a hilarious fight scene with Ant-Man when he tries to rob the new Avenger’s facility.

Ant-Man is consistently entertaining throughout and even made me think ants are cute. While I felt we didn’t see enough of the awesome looking villain Yellow-Jacket, at least we got a sneak peek of Wasp in the mid-credit scene.

Verdict: 8/10 I seriously recommend this film, its great fun (and for any Marvel fans theres a bunch of cool easter eggs to look out for). Oh and as usual make sure you stick around for a sneak peek at next year’s Civil War! You won’t regret it!

Jurassic World Review

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I know I’m super late on this post, I saw the movie like a week and a half ago but never got the chance to write about it. But right now I’m super energized from having to murder the biggest fucking spider I have ever seen so I figured I might as well do something productive.

First off, this movie bored the hell out of me. I NEVER take bathroom breaks during movies but I took THREE during this dud (granted that could be attributed to the two glasses of Riesling I chugged beforehand, but still I didn’t even make the effort to hold it). Jurassic World was a plethora of clichés and unnecessary characters. For example the two brothers: completely pointless. Just a horny teenager who creepily stares at every single girl he sees. Then there’s Bryce Dallas Howard’s completely useless character who is dumb as shit and can’t even tell that the giant fucking dinosaur thingy didn’t actually escape but is still in its tiny ass cage. Then there’s the totally convenient abilities of the weird giant white dinosaur thingy who can apparently turn invisible/camouflage and is super fast and just generally won’t die, not to mention it’s somehow a super genius and is smart enough to fake an escape.

Last but not least there’s Chris Pratt in possibly his most humorless role yet. I love Chris Pratt because he’s funny and likable, however in this film he was nothing but a hunky raptor trainer who somehow knew everything there is to know about hunting dinosaurs. Speaking of raptors, that whole part where the raptors turn on Owen and follow the giant freaky dinosaur was completely pointless since like two minutes later they turn against it and follow Owen again so WTF.

All in all this movie was basically just a two hour rip-off of the latest Godzilla movie that tried waaay too hard to play on our nostalgia for the original film.

Whenever you have to rely solely on the guy from New Girl as comedic relief, you’re in trouble.

Verdict: 6/10 Don’t waste your time.

Avengers: Age of Ultron Review

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I can’t believe I had to wait a whole week to see this movie but like finals and shit…so what are you gonna do. Just as like a thing, **SPOILER ALERT**

It’s hard to really compare Age of Ultron to the first Avengers because they are so different and in this case we didn’t need to spend half the movie setting up character relationships so that was a plus. Overall this movie was awesome, I’ve been waiting forever to see it and was dying of excitement when I saw the first trailer. However I did have a few issues with it so lemme just make you a Pros and Cons list:

Pros:

-VISION!!! I was about to pee myself waiting for Vision to finally be revealed and it was awesome and he was awesome.

-The Avengers actually made an effort to save innocent bystanders from all the destruction they caused

-Great action sequences, especially the final battle

-Awesome writing by Joss Whedon (i mean who doesn’t love Buffy, the guy’s a genius)

-The Hulkbuster

-Mid credit scene with Thanos & the Infinity Gauntlet

-Did Hulk shoot himself into space? Cuz that’d be awesome

Cons:

-Ultron was more sarcastic and jokey than menacing

-Too much background on Hawkeye and Romanoff (they’re supporting members for a reason, I don’t care that Hawkeye has a bunch of kids and lives on a farm when he’s not shooting people with arrows)

-Too much Jeremy Renner in general

-Not enough Cap/Thor

-Romancey scenes with Black Widow/Bruce Banner

-Where the fuck was Black Panther? They were even in Wakanda and everything

-Kind of glossed over the whole A.I. thing in the beginning

-Too many one-liners (especially by War Machine. Go away Don Cheadle, you were not relevant to the story)

Overall I’d give the movie an 8 out of 10, it was extremely entertaining and fun. However I have to say I am way more excited to see Captain America: Civil War next year because its basically gonna be an Avengers movie but like with way more awesome characters added in, e.g. Black Panther, Spiderman, & Winter Soldier. (only downside is no Thor or Hulk.)

Keep em coming MARVEL!!

Marvel’s Phase 3 Lineup Revealed!

So today Marvel unveiled their phase three lineup for what movies are to come in the next six years. This is super exciting for me as a total comic nerd, DC comics unveiled their movie lineup over a week ago, but I don’t really give a shit about DC, and Marvel’s is way more awesome.

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Here’s what’s queued up:

Avengers: Age of Ultron in 2015

Ant-Man in 2015

Captain America: Civil War in 2016

Doctor Strange in 2016

Guardians of the Galaxy 2 in 2017

Thor: Ragnarok in 2017

Black Panther in 2017

Avengers: Infinity War Part 1 in 2018

Captain Marvel in 2018

Inhumans in 2018

Avengers: Infinity War Part 2 in 2019

I’m super (pun intended) excited for Captain Marvel, since we will finally have our first female superhero lead, Ms. Marvel! The last Avengers will be split into two films, so hopefully we will get to see some of the other members of the Avengers including the big battle with Thanos and the Infinity Gauntlet. Inhumans, which is about an advanced race of badass super-people, is particularly of interest to me, it makes sense that they would have their own movie since in the comics the Inhumans were involved in the Infinity events when Thanos attacks their planet. So we might end up getting more of them in the final Avengers installment, and who knows, maybe some sequels will be in store for them in Marvel’s phase four. Keep them coming Marvel!

Summer Movie Reviews

Well hello there,

I know I’ve been M.I.A. for the last couple months or so. Apologies, I’ve been out trying to have a life, but now I am currently taking a break to briefly re-pursue my reclusive habits. Anyway, now it is officially the end of summer, homies are all back in school n shit, so I thought it would be a perfect time to give my two cents on some of the biggest movies that came out throughout the summer. I gotta say, this summer was not a good one…not many movies to even mention, but I shall do my best.

CAUTION: SPOILER ALERT!

To begin with,

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22 Jump Street

Now I’m all for Channing Tatum, as much as the next gal, but unfortunately, 22 Jump Street failed to bring the same originality that made its predecessor a classic. They made waaaaay too many sequel jokes throughout the film, which became really unnecessary, especially after you reached the credits. Overall, there were definitely funny moments and it was an all around entertaining movie.

B+

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X-Men: Days of Future Past

I gotta say, I was so relieved that this movie was good, Bryan Singer totally fixed all of the fuck ups that Brett Ratner graced us with in Last Stand. X-Men is by far my favorite superhero franchise, and I have been waiting soooo long for a new one, as soon as the beginning credits started rolling, I almost teared up from excitement. It was a cornucopia of awesome having both the past and present X-Men characters. However, best part of the movie was by far Evan Peter’s Quicksilver’s scene in the Pentagon. And like all Marvel films, you gotta stay for the after credits, and you won’t be disappointed, we get a brief look at Apocalypse, the most badass villain, and his four horsemen.

A++

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Guardians of the Galaxy

Two words: killer soundtrack. I was skeptical about Guardians, it looked pretty lame in the commercials, but I was coerced into seeing it and I’m really glad I was. Guardians had a great plot line, tons of funny moments, thanks so the ever so awesome Chris Pratt, as well as the best Marvel Soundtrack since Iron Man. I laughed and almost cried, great movie, definitely worth it.

A

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The Fault in Our Stars

God this movie was unbelievably depressing, and not in A Walk to Remember sort of way. Ansel Elgort proved he’s star material, however Shailene Woodly acted the same way she always does, giggly and insecure. Way too long of a movie for like a 300 page book. Ah yes, and Ansel dies, so thats no fun.

B

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Transformers 4: Age of Extinction

Well I’m not sure whats worse, Shia Labeouf and a bunch of fighting robots or Marky Mark and a bunch of fighting robots. I’d say its a tie on awfulness. Same plot line as every other Transformer movie, basically just made for a bunch of guys who like to watch big robots fight and stuff exploding. Just stop making these movies, please.

D-

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Maleficent

Angie’s a star and gorgeous in this Sleeping Beauty adaptation, however with a character as badass as Maleficent, I was disappointed how PG this movie turned out to be. It didn’t nearly capture her potential, but it was okay.

B-

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Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles

Looks like Megan Fox has found a new shitty franchise to look hot and act shitty in. No. Just No. Don’t waste your time.

F-

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Sin City: A Dame to Kill For

FINALLY! After almost a decade of waiting, Sin City 2 finally came out, and it was pretty good, not as good as the first one, but it was a valiant effort and Rodriguez definitely brought the graphic novel aspect to life in a creative and dark way. Lots of violence and gore.

B